Roundabouts

Dear Diary,

I've been reading up on how to select the gender of one's child. It all comes down to sperm. If a girl sperm gets into the egg first, it'll be a girl. If a boy sperm gets into the egg first, it'll be a boy. Most likely.

Girl sperm are apparently bigger and slower, but longer-lasting than boy sperm. So to have a girl, I should have sex a couple of days before ovulation, to allow the girl sperm time to get to the egg... and to allow the boy sperm time to die. Knowing men, they probably die fighting with each other while the girls head for the actual goal.

Anyway, enough sexism. I've come up with a better plan for having a girl:

1. Get a car.
2. Have sex (in the back seat if desired)
3. Man gets into driver's seat
   
4. Lie down on back seat with your feet toward the driver's side. Put legs in air as per standard post-sex procedure. If desired (and possible), do cycling motions.
5. Man drives to nearest roundabout, and drives around and around it as fast as is safely and legally possible. Telling bub that Daddy's in prison is not fun.
6. The car now acts as a centrifuge... and since the girl sperm are heavier, this will push them toward the egg faster than the boy sperm.
7. After as many rounds as possible, stop the car for a while until dizziness eases. You don't want to be explaining why HE was so dizzy that he side-swiped an oncoming car, and for that matter why YOU are lying on the back seat with your legs in the air while explaining that to the police.

Of course, there are obvious problems with this plan. For example, I'll probably need to get upright to walk/run to the car. I could roll, or be carried, I suppose. At any rate, the neighbours will be amused. So, I came up with a variant. It has its problems too.

1. Enlist the help of a friend. Preferably someone you can trust to keep their mouth shut.
2. Friend gets in the driver's seat.
3. You AND hubby get in the back seat, feet toward the driver's side.
4. Friend drives calmly to a nearby roundabout.
5. Meanwhile, you and hubby have sex in the back seat. Quietly. Or your friend may wish to put on some music. Nothing too distracting or humorous, though.
6. After sex (hopefully approaching roundabout), hubby crawls over you into the front passenger seat.
7. Put legs in air and make bicycle movements.
8. Do the whole roundabout thing, ensuring that the dizziness step is followed.