Dear Diary,
I went to the doctor today to see if we could have some fertility tests run or something. Here's a transcript:
Doctor: How can I help you today, Anna?
Me: John and I have been trying to get pregnant, and we haven't had any luck... so I thought I'd see if you could run some tests and find out what the problem is?
Doctor: (consulting my file) You're 29, right?
Me: Yes! Not getting any younger.
Doctor: And how long have you been trying?
Me: 6 months, now.
Doctor: Oh, that's nothing to worry about! It takes lots of couples longer than that. Just relax and you'll be pregnant before you know it.
Me: Just RELAX? (steam coming out of my ears) What the hell do you mean, just relax?
Doctor: In other words, calm down, Anna.
Me: I'm assuming you've never been a woman. Am I right?
Doctor: (looking a little confused) Yes...
Me: So you've never ovulated?
Doctor: (looking a little irritated, but still confused) No, Anna.
Me: Then shut the hell up! You sound like a hippy herbalist who wears hemp clothes. Worse! At least the hippy would offer me something to help me relax!
Doctor: Don't shout at me!
Me: Why not? (voice getting louder and more shrill) You're a patronising twit who wouldn't know the first thing about trying to get pregnant, aren't you? You didn't even bother asking how long my cycles are, whether I've been ovulating, how long my luteal phase is, or if I get egg-white cervical mucous! Do you KNOW what a luteal phase is?
Doctor: Oh, Billings...
Me: NO! Basic biology! IDIOT!
And I stamped out.
Do you think I could've handled that better?
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About this Blog
This is a fictional blog. A bit of a weird concept, I'll grant, but you'll soon get the idea. If you're looking at the latest entries and thinking, "huh?" you might want to check out my consecutive entries project for newcomers.
If you don't want to go to all that trouble, here's a summary - Anna Schmidt and her husband John are trying to get pregnant. Because it doesn't happen immediately, Anna starts researching methods of increasing one's fertility - with unpredictable and maybe hilarious results. Depends on your sense of humour, really.
About Me
- Naomi
- I talk to the TV (it gets my most biting wit). I'm married. I'm a christian (Salvation Army). I have a semi-dodgy past. I'm a parent (twice over). Low blood sugar makes me very, very grouchy. My non-Blogger blogs are: Nomesque Fiction (if you can't guess - my fictional writings) Beautiful Brisbane (my love/hate relationship with Brisbane) Nomesque Life (various thoughts, happenings, etc from the life of me)
5 comments:
Seriously? If he's that ignorant I'd have been pissed too.
I also would be tempted to report him to the medical association.
But I'm still in that bad mood :)
Ok, so I'm an idiot.
That's OK. I like idiots ;-) I've had some bad not-reading-bleeding-obvious-stuff incidents lately, so I can relate!
PS. I've often looked back on conversations with doctors and wished I could cut through the respect instilled in me as a toddler (result of an early childhood spent partially in hospital)... WHILE in the doctor's office, and yell at him. Always seems to be a male. But they frequently have NO BLOODY CLUE about the female reproductive system. They know that we're supposed to bleed every 28 days, and that women are wusses who can't handle pain. I once had a doctor, on being informed that my period came every 30-31 days, shake his head 'wisely' and state that I probably wasn't ovulating every cycle. Flipping twit. So, this entry is dedicated to all the doctors who've frustrated, irritated or just made me want to hit them, over the years.
(On the bright side, my current doctor - who we're seeing for fertility issues - hasn't yet inspired any of these feelings in me. Here's hoping he never does... after this little rant I may just yell at him. Lots.
Hey, UM, welcome :-)
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