Dear Diary,
John and I talked a couple of nights ago... and he's upset that sex is becoming mechanical. Geez, welcome to the club, mate! I think the best thing about trying to get pregnant is that men start feeling the way women have felt all their lives. Like sex aids. John says that he feels like a cross between a dildo and a turkey baster.
So anyway, last night I brought home a copy of the Kama Sutra and some massage oil to help spice things up a bit.
Word of advice: Don't attempt the Position of The Wife Of Indra while you're both slippery with massage oil. I lay down on my back, John knelt down and I put my feet on his shoulders... then I raised my bum, something slipped and now I've got a sprained back muscle and John has a black eye and cracked tooth.
Further word of advice: Wash off the massage oil before going to the Emergency ward of the hospital. It causes way too many smirks and spurious advice.
Oh well. At least I didn't have anything stuck in an orifice.
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About this Blog
This is a fictional blog. A bit of a weird concept, I'll grant, but you'll soon get the idea. If you're looking at the latest entries and thinking, "huh?" you might want to check out my consecutive entries project for newcomers.
If you don't want to go to all that trouble, here's a summary - Anna Schmidt and her husband John are trying to get pregnant. Because it doesn't happen immediately, Anna starts researching methods of increasing one's fertility - with unpredictable and maybe hilarious results. Depends on your sense of humour, really.
About Me
- Naomi
- I talk to the TV (it gets my most biting wit). I'm married. I'm a christian (Salvation Army). I have a semi-dodgy past. I'm a parent (twice over). Low blood sugar makes me very, very grouchy. My non-Blogger blogs are: Nomesque Fiction (if you can't guess - my fictional writings) Beautiful Brisbane (my love/hate relationship with Brisbane) Nomesque Life (various thoughts, happenings, etc from the life of me)
Blog Archive
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2005
(45)
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December
(31)
- Failure
- Tantric Massage - Take 1
- Genius
- Fixing the Fake
- Fraud
- Tired
- Another Month
- Acronyms
- CRUD
- Maybe Not
- Sore Boobs
- Nausea
- Birthday
- Sperm Wars
- My back
- Oh no
- Oh Yeah...
- Mucous
- Pain
- Kama Sutra
- Murder
- Yoyo
- Drool
- FAQ
- Disaster Area
- Aftermath
- Negative No. 2
- Berries
- Liquid Life
- Pulling Out...
- Weird food woes
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December
(31)
3 comments:
Comment from Author
I decided to add comments to these diary entries so people can get to know a bit about me, too.
First off, my husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for over a year. We were a couple of months off starting to try when I got pregnant... and miscarried at 7-something weeks.
Anyway, I've talked to a lot of people and learnt a huge amount of stuff - some useful, some not - during our TTC efforts. And I've fallen into obsession a few times. The big thing I noticed is that an obsessed person tends to lose their sense of humour. So, partly to distract myself and partly to make sure I kept laughing, I decided to start writing a fictional diary. Fictional, because half of the things I want Anna to do, I would never try :-)
u gues are sick y r u put this on the internet wen u felt urself white stuff came out n then u add a cravin for egg whites ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!
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